Chemistry
Teacher:
“Can you give me the formula of water?”
Student:
“H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-.”
Chemistry Teacher
“Where did you get an idea like that?”
Student:
“You told us the other day it was H to O.”
Teacher:
“Who were the first human beings?”
Pupil:
“Adam and Eve.”
Pupil:
“Adam and Eve.”
Teacher:
“And what nationality were they?”
Pupil:
Indian, of course.”
Teacher:
“And how you know they were Indian?”
Pupil:
“Easy. They had no roof over their heads,
no clothes to wear and only one apple
between them – and they called it Paradise.”
Teacher:
“Everything you do is wrong. How can you expect to get a
job
When you leave school?”
Pupil:
“Well, sir! I’m going to be a T.V weatherman.
Judge:
“The last time I saw you, I told you that I didn’t want
to see you here Again.”
Accused:
“That is what I tried to tell these policeman, your
Honor, but they would not believe me.”
Father:
“Would you still love my daughter even if she were
poor?”
Suitor:
“Of course”
Father:
“You’re no good. We don’t want fools in our family.”
A Scene in our school's annual -day play required a
little boy to come on stage with an egg in his hand and
exclaim, "Look mother, the new hen has started laying"
During rehearsals the boy would invariably break the egg
before this scene. So for the final performance, someone
had a bright idea and they gave him a boiled egg. Even
so, he appeared on the stage without the egg. This time
he ate it.
Teacher:
Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put
'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I
touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really
hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my
forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've
broken your finger
Patient: Doctor,
I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever
listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I
have to say.
The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk"
in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ...
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all
parents on the first day of school. "If you promise not
to believe everything your child says happens at school,
I will promise not to believe everything your child says
happens at home
Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses.
Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
Q. What's a minimum?
A. A very small mother!
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back
to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his
mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. "Wait a
minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three
months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!"
Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree
when an apple fell on his head and he discovered
gravity. Isn't that wonderful? "Student: "Yes sir, if he
had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he
wouldn't have discovered anything."
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on
map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude,
degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked
you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north
latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east
longitude...?"After a confused silence, a voice
volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
|
